Ass Hair Registry

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About The Ass Hair Registry

In these troubling times, there are many villains in the world. Not only do they think differently than you, but they are indifferent to your ideals and feelings. Worst of all: they believe with all their heart, that YOU are the villain. It is a shameful and demoralizing state of affairs. It seems that there is nothing to unite us  but the hate we feel for each other. How do we get back our humanity? How do we start on the road back to a civil society, hand-in-hand, ready to make the world a better place.

I don't have those answers, but I do have a hairy ass.  My ass is a natural wonder with as many hairs as there are stars in the sky.  When you have no more words... when you are out of arguments...when you just want to be done with he or she who vexes you...

Name a hair on my ass and share the good news with them (and the world).  

For as little as $3.95, you can bring back the hope and wonder you thought was long lost. Your purchase will include:

• A handsome digital certificate, naming the person of your choosing as and authenticating that a hair on my ass now carries their name.

• A visual guide to the newly named hair on my ass, complete with locating coordinates.

Who deserves an ass hair?

Pick An Ass Region


 "This seems like a BAD IDEA.”

That’s a statement and not a question, but I’ll answer it. No, it’s a great idea.

Why your ass and not mine, or someone else’s?

If you or someone else had had the idea, you could have done it. But you didn’t. Just like all those other “big” ideas you never did anything about. Why can’t you just be happy for me? I love you.

How does this actually work?

You pay a nominal fee and pick from one of four ass regions. In return we pick a hair from that region you receive a certificate and official picture commemorating the ass hair named after the person of your choosing.

How do I receive them?

You will receive an email with links to download both files.

How long will it take to receive them?

This is a manual process so please be patient as it could take up to 24 hours to fulfill your order.

It's the 21st century. Why can't you just automate it?

I enjoy upsetting you.

Why does it cost so much? 

It doesn't, you cheapskate. The money you spend on your next latte will be bitter distant memory before you know it, but an Ass Hair Certificate will last a lifetime. 

This all sounds terrible.

Again, not a question.

Share The Joy!

So what else can you do with your purchase? You can post it on social media (Friendster, MySpace, etc.) and let world know who you chose and why you chose them. NOTE: Please only do this if you have picked a public figure. Don't be a jerk.

Photo Attributions

Monica Orozco (

David Shankbone

Gage Skidmore